Entry 64

Butterflies fluttered around my stomach as I followed Ven into the hall. I had eaten as much of breakfast as I could, considering my excitement, and I was now on my way to my first lesson on how to fly Blaue. I wondered what had made Ven change his mind about teaching me, but I was afraid to ask lest he remember an excellent reason and decide not to teach me.

Ven led me to the end of the hall I had never been to and the wall opened in front of us. It revealed a short staircase, which Ven took in stride. I followed more nervously after.

At the top of the stairs was the ship’s cockpit.

In many ways it was exactly like what I expected a cockpit to be like and in other ways it was nothing like I expected. There was a large, wall sized view screen at one side of the room, but like in Star Trek, the view screen was not a window. It was more of a computer screen that could show you whatever you wanted. It currently showed a map of the stars, a path through the stars, and a point that I assumed indicated the ship. The upper right hand corner of the screen held a list of numbers that I presumed meant something.

In front of the view screen was one chair for a sole pilot. Instead of being an austere metal contraption it was plush and blue, like a chair in a car.

To my right was another chair, but this chair was in front of a wall that held buttons, switches, and keyboards. A few small screens dotted the wall, but mainly the wall held all sorts of controls.

To my left was a third chair, which had a view screen much smaller than the original but it still took up half of the wall. Around the view screen were several other buttons and switches.

“Does Blaue require three pilots?” I asked, wondering how Ven had been managing to fly her if that was so.

“No,” Ven answered. “The ship only requires a captain and an artificial cognizant.” He motioned to the large view screen. “This is the main area I work from. Here Blaue and I decide our course, keep track of our position, and anything else we need to know. And this is not the only view the screen has.” He touched the side of the screen and immediately the screen changed to show Blaue in her entirety, and numbers around different parts of the ship. “This view helps me to know that every part of the ship is working properly. These numbers tell me the temperature of the hull, the strength of the hull, and any other facts or statistics I need to show.” He touched another point on the screen which caused the screen to change again. This time the screen showed nothing but blackness. “This is actually what’s in front of us, should I feel the need to ‘see’ out the window. Clearly, this isn’t glass. But Blaue has a visual recorder various parts of her hull and I can axis any of them from here.”

“But being a captain is fairly simple when you’re at this control point,” Ven said. “Blaue takes care of everything. She can fly herself. She needs me to make the decisions, to tell her where to go, but other than that she can take care of herself. There is not a lot of piloting involved.”

“Then why not just have ships run by artificial cognizant?” I asked. “Why have captains?” If Blaue could run cargo from one point to another by herself – if she was given the directive – why did Ven have to be there at all?

“Because things go wrong,” Ven answered simply, “and that’s what these other two sections of the cockpit are for.”

Entry 63

I spent the rest of the night in my room, curled on my bed and generally feeling sorry for myself. John was going to leave me. I was going to be all alone. The thoughts played through my head like a broken record.

I fell asleep at some point, in my clothes, which meant that I was far from pretty when I woke up the next morning. Between the dried tears and crumpled clothes, I was a mess. However, after a hot shower I felt marvelously better, even though John was going to leave me.

Being the mature teenager that I was, I wasn’t going to allow John to see what pain he caused me, so I put a bounce in my step and a smile on my face as I went to eat breakfast.

“Carlee.” It was Ven at the breakfast table, not John. Disappointment filled me. Maybe John did not want to see me anymore, now that he was leaving me. “It’s been brought to my attention that we missed a rather important day.”

“What day?” I asked, grabbing a pseudo-muffin and taking my seat.

“Your sixteenth birthday,” Ven responded. I looked up at him in surprise.

“No, my birthday is in February,” I said, shaking my head. “It can’t be February already.”

“Well, I am unsure if we can argue that it is February in space, but it is most definitely February on Earth.” It was Blaue who spoke, materializing in the room. “I triple checked. You are sixteen years old.” Sixteen? Surely I would feel different if I really was such a marvelous age. Sixteen made me practically an adult. Sixteen was supposed to be that magical year in a girl’s life where she got a boyfriend and went to junior prom and all sorts of magical things. I wondered if the human colony had a prom.

“In honor of your birthday, I have a gift for you,” Ven said. I looked at him suspiciously. A gift from Ven? That sounded suspiciously like when the Greeks gave the Trojans a gift of a horse.

“Really,” I said. “Did you buy me something at the spacestation yesterday?”

“No,” Ven answered. “What I’m going to give you is better than anything that I could have purchased yesterday.” I gave him a flat, doubtful stare. I could think of nothing that Ven could give me that would not need to be purchased, unless he had suddenly had a complete change in personality and was going to try to help me keep John.

“I am going to give you your first flying lesson today,” Ven said.

“What!” I jumped out of my seat. “Like flying Blaue? You really mean it? You’re going to teach me to fly her?” He was right. It was better than anything he could have purchased. I had given up the hope that Ven would teach me to fly ages ago.

“I really do mean it,” Ven said with his debonair smile. “Of course, today’s lesson is very rudimentary, just the basics, but you have to start somewhere before I just hand over manual control to you.” I stared at him, unable to speak I was so surprised. Ven just laughed.

“Eat your breakfast, Carlee,” Ven said. “You need to have a good breakfast in order to retain everything I’m going to teach you.”

Question Break 10

I think that every two weeks is a good time to have a question break since we only update on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays now. So are there any burning questions out there? Or maybe just curious questions? Let us know and we'll do our best to answer them!

Log 5

Carlee's tirade did not take me entirely by surprise. I know my sister very well, and I know she has a temper and tends to say irrational things that she doesn't mean when she is upset. However, her words still hurt.

I wondered about that, how her words could hurt. I was merely an android. If people like Ven were right, then everything I thought and felt were nothing but built in responses from my programming. That would mean I was not really hurt. My programming was simply telling me that I should feel hurt in order to better simulate a human's feelings.

And yet, wasn't that exactly what a human's brain was? A human's brain was hardwired to think and feel certain ways by the time a human was my age. A human my age would feel hurt by Carlee's reaction because the societal programming in their brain told them they should be. Surely a brain was nothing more than a highly complex, organic computer.

The difference then had to be that human's had souls. At least, humans thought they had something called a soul that somehow made them better than all the other animals on the planet Earth. I did not think there was any "soul" circuit board within me, but humans had no "soul" organ. Perhaps I did have a soul, and I just did not know about it.

Soul or no, I felt bad about letting Carlee think Ven's plan was my plan, my desire. But I did not see anything I could do about it. Ven was right. Life would be better for Carlee without me. The only way to make Carlee leave me behind was if she thought I wanted to leave her. I could not lie to Carlee, but the truth could also be used to deceive.

I knew Carlee would want me to run after her, but instead I stayed in my quarters. As painful was this was going to be, I would have to let us separate.

"Carlee was wrong about one thing," Blaue's holographic image materialized in my room.

"Just one?" I asked.

"Well, perhaps more than one," Blaue relented. "But she called herself a fifteen year old girl. It was my impression that Carlee was born on February 16 in the Earth year of AD 1993."

"She was," I answered. I had not been there for the event, but I had been Carlee's brother most of her life. I knew her birthday.

"Well, that day on Earth passed about a week ago," Blaue said. "Carlee is sixteen now."

"I missed Carlee's birthday?" I exclaimed in disbelief. "And Christmas." My instinct was to find some way to make up for it, to through some sort of extravagant party. However, that would probably get me back into Carlee's good graces. I loved my sister too much to allow her to not be mad at me.

"Time is hard to tell when you're no longer on a planet with a set calender," Blaue responded. "Don't blame yourself. Ven should have done something for her for her birthday. I'll have to berate him."

"So I'm eighteen," I said, surprised that I could come of age - be an adult - and not even know about it. My "birthday" was in January, always a few weeks before Carlee's.

"According to your Earth birth record, yes," Blaue answered. "But you were created after Carlee's birth according to your construction record, so that actually makes you younger than her." The earlier date of my construction date did not bother me. Socially I was older than Carlee, and I was certainly more mature than her. Perhaps it was an affect of my more logical, android brain.

"If you could have Ven throw some sort of party for Carlee I would appreciate it," I said. It did bother me that Ven would get credit for the kind of brotherly duty that was normally mine. However, I had to let Carlee go. It was the best thing for her, regardless if it was the worst thing that could ever happen to me.

Entry 62

I could not take Ven's word for it. Ven hated John, and he would say anything to make me leave John behind. So I raced across the hall to John's room and demanded he let Blaue open the door for me.

"Can I help you, Carlee?" John was sitting at his desk, studying a screen.

"Yes," I said. "Ven says we're going to the android planet, that we're going to leave you there and then send me tot he human colony without you." I watched John, waiting for the surprise and outrage at Ven's audacity. Instead, John calmly met my gaze.

"That is the plan," he said. "Don't be upset, Carlee."

"Don't be upset, Carlee?" My voice rose several octaves. "You and Ven have hatched a plan about my future without consulting me and all you can say is 'Don't be upset, Carlee'?" My anger seemed to be having no affect on my calm brother, which only made me more angry.

"I know you don't like it," John said, "But its for your own good..."

"Because I, a fifteen year old girl, can have no idea what is for my own good, so I can't be trusted to make plans," I said harshly. "But a seventeen year old and a twenty something year old do? Is there some special wisdom that is granted when you turn seventeen that I as a mere fifteen year old can't grasp?" John did not say anything, letting me rant. His silence fueled my anger.

"Or maybe its in your best interest," I continued. "Maybe its just what you want - to get rid of you annoying little sister. Finally you have an excuse to dump me. You don't have to worry about taking care of me, worrying about me, dragging me along. You can be free of this old ball and chain!" Why wasn't he saying anything, my heart cried. Why was he not denying my words? John should have been stopping me, assuring me that he never wanted to get rid of me, that he loved him.

"Well the joke's on you, John." Tears filled my eyes. "Because I don't need you. If you want to go live with your android friends, then do it. I won't stop you." I then turned and fled from the room.

Once in my room I burst into tears. I had not meant the last thing I said. I did need John. I could not imagine my life without him. Without John I had no family.

As I cried I expected John would come running in at any moment, to reassure me that it was all lies and he would never leave me. But John did not come. My tears dried and still he did not come.

I was all alone and afraid I would be for the rest of my life.

Happy Birthday me!

Today is my birthday! I'm 17! Can you believe it? I feel so old.

It just makes me feel better to know that John is 19. No matter how old I get, he'll be older!

Entry 61

The moment John’s wall opened I jumped to my feet, tossing my book aside. I saw Ven exit the room and I quickly called after him, “Ven!”

Ven turned, his darkly handsome eyes falling on me. “Good afternoon, Carlee,” he said. “Can I be of assistance?”

“Can I talk to you real quick?” I asked. Ven nodded and came into my room. He noticed the book I had tossed aside, laying hazardously on the floor, and amusement touched his eyes. I bristled. I did not like it when people found me amusing.

“Ven, how long are you going to keep us cooped up on this ship?” I demanded, crossing my arms and glaring up at him. “This is no place to keep a growing fifteen-year-old girl.”

“I know,” Ven answered to my surprise, “but you won’t be on the ship much longer. This next leg of our trip will be about two weeks, then we’ll stay on the planet for a while, and then it will be about a month to the human colony. Does that satisfy you, Carlee?” All of my speeches and arguments to convince Ven that we needed to go to the human colony fled my mind.

“You’re taking us to the human colony?” I asked.

“Yes,” Ven nodded. “I’ve already called ahead with our time table. They should be preparing for your arrival, finding a host family for you to live with. You are just a fifteen-year-old girl, Carlee. You can’t live by yourself.” I had expected that. John and I were just minors, and basically foreigners. We had no idea how the human colony worked. It would make sense if we had to live with a host family for a little while until we were old enough and acquainted with our new situation.

“What planet are we visiting first?” I asked, not letting go of my suspicion entirely. “Why can’t we go straight to the human colony?”

“By request of your android, we’re going to the android planet first,” Ven said. “After today’s events, it realizes that it will only hold you back in life, Carlee. On the android planet, it could pretend it was a true person and be treated as an equal.” I stared at Ven in disbelief.

“Are you saying that John wants to live on the android planet and then ship me off to the human colony?” I asked. “That he wants to be separated from me.”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” Ven answered. “It realizes that your best chance of life is on the human colony, where it is not allowed. It only wants what is best for you, Carlee, and this is what is best.”

“And I don’t suppose organics are allowed on the android planet?” I asked, though I doubted it would be called an “android planet” if that was true.

“Only for short visits,” Ven said. “I have procured Visas for you and me so we can visit with your android initially. But then we will leave and your android will stay behind.”

“This was your idea,” I accused him. “John doesn’t want this at all. He wouldn’t want to leave me.” Surely John could not want to leave me. If he really was as computerized as Ven thought, then surely his programming would not allow him to leave me. If he was as human as I thought, he would not want to leave his dear little sister.

Unless it was in my best interest. If John thought this was all in my best interest, then he might be seriously considering leaving me behind.

“Carlee, your android is a smart, well programmed machine,” Ven said. Though it felt as if the words were being dragged painfully out of him, Ven’s eyes were sympathetic. “It may not want to leave you, but it knows it must. It is the only way.” He paused. “As I said it will take us at least two weeks to get there. Enjoy those two weeks with your android.

Entry 60

When John left me to go to his room, I went to my own room, but I requested Blaue leave my wall open. I was waiting for Ven to leave the cockpit so I could talk to him. I needed to convince him it was time we headed for the human colony, with John.

I understood why John had wanted some alone time, but I was not sure it was for the best. He certainly did not need more time to brood, but I gave him the benefit of a doubt that he was taking a nap instead.

Except John had never been much of a napper. Probably because androids needed less sleep than humans or some such nonsense.

I saw Ven in the hall, so I jumped to my feet, racing to my doorway. However, before I could call to him, he stepped through the wall, into the room that John was using.

I stood in the doorway, thunderstruck. Had Ven just gone into John’s room? As if to talk to John? Surely I was mistaken. Surely that was not possible. Why would Ven want to talk to John? Ven did not even think John was a real person. It simply did not make sense.

“Blaue, why is Ven in John’s room?” I asked. Blaue materialized in my room with her usual smile.

“I believe that is between John and Ven,” she said lightly. “Undoubtedly guy talk, however. You know boys. They’re worse gossips then any girl.”

“Ven and John? Gossiping?” I asked incredulously.

“You’re right. Who am I kidding?” Blaue laughed. Then she sobered. “But I wouldn’t worry about it. Ven would not hurt John. He’s not big into the destruction of personal property, and John is your personal property at the very least.” I snorted. John my property? Unlikely. John rarely ever listened to me. Property was something you controlled. No one controlled John, least of all me.

“Can you let Ven know I want to talk to him when he’s done with John?” I asked Blaue.

“I can, but I can’t guarantee he’ll listen,” Blaue responded.

“That’s all I can ask for,” I responded. After all, boys rarely do listen. “I guess I’ll read until Ven shows up then.” A few moments later Blaue was gone and I was sprawled on the floor, with a book in my hand and an eye on the doorway. (I’m not really sure that “doorway” is the appropriate term, but I can’t really think of anything better to call it).

I found it very hard to concentrate on the book. What could Ven and John possibly be talking about? And for so long? Why would Ven deem to lower himself to converse with John? Would John remain civil? John usually was polite but he had been in such a brooding mood – a mood Ven was half the cause of. What would happen if John lost his temper at Ven?

John and I were in a precarious position, at the mercy of a captain who hated androids In a universe we could not begin to understand. We had no money, no job, and no hope without Ven. We needed him.

I hated needing Ven. Don’t get me wrong. I think Ven is too good looking for his own good, and he’s definitely got a debonair Han Solo thing going for him. But Ven wasn’t my family. Ven was someone that I really barely knew, someone that we were just a “mission” too. John and I needed to learn to become self sufficient. We needed to find our place in the grand universe. We needed to be able to support ourselves.

On the human colony I was sure we could manage this. John would be eighteen soon, surely that was still considered adulthood. He could find some sort of job on the human colony. I could find a job as well. If I was forced to finish school, then I would simply work after school. Between the two of us, I was sure we could manage to survive without Ven’s help.

I did not know that Ven and John were changing our plans as I was thinking, or that for some strange reason, the Barker family would become inexplicably tied to my own.

Log 4

“Good,” Ven said, rising to his feet. “Now that we have that settled…”

“Wait,” I said, getting up. “Can I ask you something?” Ven nodded. “Why did you have Blaue order two lunches for us and have them set to this ship? I’m not Carlee. I don’t believe you felt sympathy for me.”

“Not you, Carlee,” Ven answered. “I probably shouldn’t have. She’ll never learn her lesson if I do little things like that to make you feel human.” I stared at Ven, understanding dawning.

“Blaue knew beforehand that the restaurant would not serve me,” I said.

“Of course she did,” Ven said. “Blaue is a computer. She doesn’t overlook things or forget things." My non-organic heart sank. It was the first time I realized Blaue could and would lie if Ven directed her. I should have realized it sooner. She was Ven’s ship. She would do whatever he asked. She was just a computer, not a human like she seemed.

I felt sad for Carlee. Blaue had become her only friend, but she was a friend Carlee could not trust. It was yet another reason Carlee needed to live on the human colony. She needed human friends.

“So you arranged for us to go to the restaurant, where you knew we would be rejected,” I said.

“Carlee needs to realize you are not human,” Ven said. “The more things like that which happen, the more she will realize you are not human. You are not her brother. You cannot be a family. She must leave you behind.” I felt anger rise in me at his clear declaration of my inhumanity. But then I remembered I wasn’t human. I was just an android.

For a moment we stood in silence, Ven’s dark eyes watching me.

“I realize this is taxing for your programming,” Ven said. It was as if the words were being dragged out of him. It was undoubtedly hard for him to even come close to admitting that an android had anything close to feelings. “Carlee has been your purpose for existence, and I used you this afternoon in a manner that seemed to hurt her. But as I’m sure you’ve done in the past, I had to hurt Carlee now to help her life be better in the future. Leaving you behind will hurt Carlee for a little while, but it will be better for her in the future.”

“I know,” I said softly. “I am not purposefully being shortsighted. Neither is Carlee. You have to understand Ven, that she cannot imagine a future without me.”

“And we have to change that,” Ven said. Then he turned. The wall opened before him and he left.

“Blaue,” I said aloud. She projected her hologram in my room, her eyes watching me warily. “You lied to Carlee and me.” It was not an accusation, just a fact.

“Undoubtedly you have lied to people before,” Blaue answered. “We do what is best for our masters, John. I do what is best for Ven; you do what is best for Carlee. Ven thinks it’s best for Carlee that she realize you are an android, and I don’t think it hurts if this afternoon’s events make her think better of Ven.” She paused. “Ven is a good man and he deserves to be thought well of, regardless of his feelings concerning androids.”

“You’re partial,” I said. “And you’re right, I am partial to Carlee, which is why I’m concerned that she is trusting you too much. She’s putting too much confidence in you, when one day you might betray her if it makes life better for Ven.”

“Isn’t that what humans do for the one’s they love?” Blaue asked. “You betray someone you love less to better the life of the one you love the most.” I hesitated, unable to argue against her point. I was after all, a student of humanity.

“I hope you are not too upset with me,” Blaue said. “But you would have done the same thing if our roles were reversed.” Once again, I could not argue with her. I would do anything for Carlee, just as Blaue would do anything for Ven.

Log 3

"I've been in communication with both my employers and the human colony," Ven said. "It has been made very clear that you will never be allowed to step foot on the human colony." I listened silently, though I was fairly certain I knew where this was going.

"Carlee is fifteen years old in Earth years," Ven continued. "The human colony is her only real chance to finish growing up in a normal environment and the only place she can truly settle down one day. But she can't do that with you."

"I can't make her give me up," I said softly. "I tried to make her leave me behind at the Society's headquarters. She refused. I can't make Carlee do anything." Though I often wished I could.

"Carlee is a very stubborn girl," Ven admitted, "and I'm beginning to understand that she won't consider simply leaving you, which is why we've come up with an alternate solution." I frowned, unsure what he meant. "What do you suppose Carlee would do if she thought you could have a better life without her?"

"I cannot lie to her," I responded, "so I have no idea how we could convince her of that."

"We could convince her if it was true," Ven said. "There is a way both of you would be better off without the other." I frowned dubiously.

"Go on," I said. I doubted there was a way I could be better off without Carlee. My central programing revolved around her. However, if it would make Carlee's life better I would consider it.

"There is a planet where androids live with no master," Ven explained. "I have gained visas for myself and Carlee to visit - they don't usually allow non-androids. We will take you there and visit for a few days. I am confident you will find acceptance among your type and Carlee will realize it is your only chance at a normal life." He said the last words as if it was impossible for an android to have a normal life.

"And then Carlee will leave me on the planet and pursue her own normal life without me on the human colony," I finished for him.

"Yes," he answered. "It's the best thing for both of you, but more importantly it is the best thing for Carlee. It will ease her conscious concerning your well being and she will be able to move on as a normal human."

I was silent for a moment, my cybernetic brain processing his words and all the scenarios that could be the outcome. Unlike Ven, I could account for Carlee's affection for me, and I doubted things would go as he planned. But that did not mean we should not try.

"We will attempt it," I responded, "but I make no guarantees that it will work. You underestimate her attachment to me. How important I am to her."

"Yes, it is a mistake I have made often," Ven admitted. "but you remember not to let your programming for her to get in the way. It is for her well being you two must be separated."

"Her well being is my highest priority," I answered.

Question Break Answers 9

You asked a question; we have answers, theoretically. So here is the question that was anonymously asked:

Since you seem to have gotten John to start giving his perspective, how does he view his own origin? We know how you feel about it, and we can guess Ven's thoughts, but what does an android think of his being an android? Did he view his placement on Earth as an assignment, or an escape?

For the answer, we go to John:

This question seems to have several parts. I will try to address all of them.

1) How does he view his own origin?

I don't really remember much before I was placed on Earth. Mainly because I was activated and then put on Earth very shortly after. I guess I don't really think about "my origin" very often. I would say that humans don't often think about the fact they were born very often either.

2) What does an android think of his being an android?

What does a human think of being a human? I am an android. There really isn't much to think about it. But if I were to think about it, I would say that for the time I was on Earth I mainly viewed myself as human. For all intents and purposes, I was human. It was not until we were taken off the planet that I was really forced to view my android-ness. Now this could be because of my programming. The nature of my existence is that I'm basically supposed to think and act like a human, observing all human practices. If everything went as planned, I would have lived out an entirely normal human existence on Earth until Carlee died of old age, and then I would be deactivated, as if I was dying of old age. It was not until I was freed from the Society that I had to face the fact that I really was an android and what exactly that meant.

I always knew I was an android, not completely human, but the fact that I was an android never really bothered me. It was the consequences of being an android that bothered me, dealing with people like Ven.

Frankly, being an android isn't that different from being a human. It simply means society views me as a second rate human. For a while after being taken off of Earth, I thought this meant I had to live as a second rate human. I thought this view was right. Sadly, it was not until recently that I've realize that it doesn't matter. It shouldn't matter. I am synthetic. Carlee is organic. But we're both human.

3) Did he view his placement on Earth as an assignment or an escape?

I viewed placement on Earth as life, neither an assignment or an escape. I was created to live on Earth for the entirety of my existence, like any normal human. I was supposed to view placement on Earth as life, because I was supposed to be observing human life in its entirety.

I hope this answers your questions. Feel free to ask more questions anytime.

Question Break 9

So we haven't done a question break in a long, long, long time. Seems like a good time as any to have one. Does anyone have any questions? Any questions at all? Or just any thoughts they would like to share? John and I are here to answer them! So, ask your questions and we'll find answers. If we can.

Log 2

[Told you John would be back for another post. Of course, his writing style is a bit...um, lame, so I did have to help him a little bit. I'm hoping he develops his own real style after a while, and I don't have to keep re-writing sections.]

After the lunch Carlee described in her last post, we went back to the mall portion of the spacestation. Unfortunately, the afternoon did not go as well s the morning had. there was less laughter, less fun. We were simply going through the motions.

None too soon, Blaue called us back to her. Ven was done with business and it was time to go. Carlee and I went back to the ship obediently.

"Welcome back," Blaue said in her cheerful tones, her holographic image greeting us as we boarded the ship. "We should be taking off soon, so you two make yourselves comfortable."

"Is Ven here?" Carlee looked about, as if the man was hiding in the cargo bay as we walked through it.

"He's in the cockpit," Blaue answered. Carlee nodded but appeared disappointed, as if she had wanted to talk to the man.

"Should we go to our rooms or go to the common area?" I asked, trying to figure out the practical side of matters that Carlee so often ignored.

"Either is fine," Blaue answered. "You won't notice take off. But dinner is in an hour."

"I think I'm going to read in my room for a while," I told Carlee. Surely we had had enough brother/sister time for the day. I needed some time to myself, to think about the events of the day without Carlee watching me. It was like she expected me to burst into tears at any moment, which was odd. I had not cried in years. I certainly did not feel like crying now.

"OK," Carlee said, giving me a worried look. But she did not fight. A few moments later, I was in my room in blessed silence.

I laid on my bed and thought of nothing, clearing my mind. Carlee doesn't even believe I can think about nothing, but I can. It's very restful to not worry about the future or fret about the day. Carlee can't do this because she's a girl and as such she thinks too much. [This is not in anyway an insult against females. Guys are experts at compartmentalizing and girls at multitasking. This means girls can do a lot of things at once, but can't think about nothing. It means some guys can't walk and chew bubble gum, but we can think about nothing.]

Not much time had passed when Blaue suddenly appeared in my room. "John, would it be alright if Ven came and spoke with you?"

"Sure, but why would he?" I asked as I sat up on my bed. Ven had never been cordial to me. It seemed odd that he would want to talk to me. And that he would ask permission to do talk to me, when he viewed me as more of a talking parrot and less as a person.

"He has his reasons," Blaue said. Then she disappeared and the wall opened, revealing our captain. As usual when he looked at me, a scowl touched his face.

I moved to stand as he entered, but Ven motioned for me to remain seated. He then pulled up my desk chair and sat facing me.

"As much as I hate to do this," Ven said. "I need to talk to you, man to android."

"I'm at your disposal," I responded. What would bring Ven - who hates androids - to my quarters?

Log 1

[So in order to help you, our reader distinguish between my posts and John's posts, we're calling my posts Entries and John's posts Logs. And yes, the following is a post by John. One of you suggested we make him post and after over a week of wheedling, I convinced him that it was for the best. So below is John's first post. Enjoy.]

Carlee has asked me to write a few posts. I would like to begin by stating that I think this is a bad idea. I am not a writer. I am not even really human. My recounting of events will not be as exciting as Carlee's. More accurate maybe, but less entertaining.

Mainly Carlee asked me to jump in here and say a few words about what I was feeling in Entry 59. I have read all of Carlee's posts and sometimes I think she overthinks my emotions. I was not made that on Earth I had "the world at my fingertips" and now I was "the dirt under the universe's fingernails." I was mad because my presence was so clearly ruining things for Carlee.

If Carlee had not rescued me, Ven would not have been in the dilemma in which he found himself. He could have taken her straight to the human colony. There she would pick up the pieces of her life, get over me, and move on. She would make friends, grow up, get married, have kids, etc. Instead she was on a ship, in limbo. Ven did not know what to do with her, and her life was far from ideal. It was clearly, logically my fault.

From the day I was shot to today (a day almost a year after the events Carlee has been describing) everything bad that has happened to Carlee has been my fault. She was kidnapped, kept in a zoo, refused entrance to a restaurant, forced to live in a ship, refused entry to the human colony, subjected to Rome's existence, kidnapped by crazy, self-righteous androids, and forced to leave Earth again. And it was all because of me.

[Hey, guys, this is Carlee. Please ignore any references to future events. I keep trying to explain to John the delicateness with which he should foreshadow, but he still doesn't understand. And Rome isn't that bad. most of the time. So please, just pretend he only said up to "forced to live in a ship".]

I am willing to admit that Carlee was right in the fact that I needed a friend. I love my sister very much. She is, truthfully, the reason for my existence. My core programming all revolves around her. But, my Earth upbringing made it clear that it was the older sibling who was supposed to take care of the younger, not vice versa. I could not let Carlee take care of me.

Carlee wants me to write more, but for now this will have to do. This is all I have to offer, my side of events.

Hopefully Carlee will not make me post again.

[John is dreaming if he thinks I won't make him post again. I'm trying to convince him to write tomorrow's post too. It would definitely be more interesting to see the next series of events from his eyes. You guys already know how I feel about Ven - hot but annoying. John's feelings do not quite reflect mine, and I want you guys to get that. So back to wheedling for me. Luckily I have some allies who agree with me that John should write posts. Allies he can't ignore...mwahahaha. lol]

Sorry!

So I totally forgot to post yesterday. Instead I will be posting yesterday's post today.

Of course, when I think about it, it wasn't really my fault entirely. John usually reminds me to post and yesterday he "forgot". Because android's forget....right, I believe that one John.

Me thinks someone is shy.

So without furtherado I will post the yesterday's post. Which isn't written by me. :) Enjoy a post from John.

Entry 59

Back on Blaue, John and I ate our cheeseburgers. They were pretty high quality, more like a gourmet cheeseburger and less like McDonald's. Of course, my judgment may have been slightly impaired as I had not had a burger in ages. At this point, anything closely resembling a cheeseburger would have tasted phenomenal.

John ate silently, brooding. He was practically glaring at his fries as he dipped them into ketchup. Such brooding anger was unusual for the John I had known all my life. John had always been thoughtful, but happy. Everyone had wanted to be his friend, whether football fanatic or BSG nerd. Now I was John's only friend - and I was his sister. Now he wasn't even good enough to eat in restaurants.

Earth had been at John's fingertips. Now he was the dirt under the universe's fingernails.

"John,"I said softly, as I picked at my fries. My hunger had abated as his mood had become more apparent. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"There is nothing to talk about," John answered. "I am an android. I know my place, Carlee. They are perfecttly within their rights." Suddenly his anger disappeared from his face, replaced by a mask of serenity. He did not want me to see what he was really feeling.

"John," I persisted. "Talk to me. You can't keep it all inside. I know this has to be hard."

"Stop playing with your food," John reprimanded me. I dropped the fry I had been fiddling with.

John would never talk to me about it, I realized. I was his little sister. He was supposed to protect and care for me. He was supposed to listen to my problems and advise me about them. Not the other way around.

John did not need a little sister. He needed a friend.

Ven could have been that friend, if he did not so irrationally hate androids. Ven could have advised him like an older brother. Instead Ven was half the problem.

Blaue was the only other option, the only other person we knew. But Blaue did not think she was a person. How could she help John with the identity crisis he had to be feeling when she viewed herself as a second class citizen.

We needed to get to the human colony as soon as possible, I decided. John needed to be around other humans, humans who surely could not be as bad as Ven in their anti-human attitude. He needed to be around people his own age, who could learn to like and respect him. People who could be his friends.

And if the human colony won't accept him? a voice in the back of my head asked. Will you make John suffer the rest of his life as a mere second class person?

The thought worried me. I didn't want to lose John, but what if it would have been better to simply have let him die? Could I really watch him suffocate in a universe that didn't appreciate him?

I glanced back at my brother who was eating his fries. He gave me a questioning look when he saw the worry on my face, but I waved him off. John had enough to worry about and had spent too much of his life worrying about me. It was my turn to worry about him.

Facebook Update

Facebook fixed the problem. I don't know what happened, but I'm back. They even apologized. How nice of them.

Facebook

So I don't know what's going on, but apparently in the last week there was a rash of high school age people having their Facebook accounts disabled. I was one of them.

So if you're trying to contact me via Facebook, it's not going to work out until I get something other than an automatic response from them. I'm trying to figure it out what happened but after trolling Facebook's help page apparently this happened to several teenagers. I don't know what's going on, but its really annoying.

In short: if you need to contact me, do it via this blog or my email address: carlee.earhart@gmail.com

I will post a continuation of the story later today.