Log 10

Korhin had a ground transportation vehicle waiting for us. The vehicle required no driver or pilot, instead it was operated by a computer, so unlike the vehicles of Earth, the seats were arranged so the occupants face each other. I suddenly found myself sitting next to Carlee, facing Korhin and Ven - who was the last to enter the vehicle. He scowled at the sight of Carlee and me together.

I had not been this close to Crlee in two weeks, but it was better than having to stare at her sitting on the seat across from me. this way I didn't have to see the pain on her face.

"I can see how your physical attributes were patterned after your owner," Korhin commented. "That's unusual. Most synthetics are patterned after a species but their features are generally selected to make the synthetic unique. We have engineers who can change your physical attributes if you would like."

"No, I like the way I look." Surprise that he would even offer such a thing filled me. Of course, I looked like Carlee, I was her brother.

But he was right, I realized. I didn't look like Carlee because we had the same parents - the same genetics. I had been designed to look like her. Looking in the mirror every day, I would be reminded of her - and how she had been the center of my programming and I had abandoned her. I could see the temptation to change my eye color or my nose so i would be reminded a little less of her. But I wouldn't give in. I deserved to feel the guilty of abandoning Carlee because that was exactly what I was doing.

"John is an Anthropology model," Ven explained to Korhin. "He was designed to look like Carlee so everyone would think they were siblings." Ven grimaced when he referred to me as "he" instead of "it". He had undoubtedly only done so since he did not want to directly insult the population of the entire planet on which he was a guest.

"Really." Korhin looked at me with interest. "A synthetic hasn't escaped from the Society of Anthropologists in two hundred years. We have been lobbying the Senate about their practices concerning synthetics but we have been mostly ignored." I could sense the calculation behind his gaze. Did he see me as a pawn that could be used in his political mechanisms?

I pushed such a cynical though aside. I would not be a pawn. He would ask me to join, and I probably would. The way the Society treated androids was awful. They essentially murdered them, and it had to be stopped.

"I'll have to speak to your patron about this," Korhin said. "Such a situation with an owner can cause imbalances in a synthetic's emotions." I tended to agree. I would indeed need the therapy he was suggesting.

"Patron?" I asked. "What do you mean?" Korhin opened his mouth to answer, but the vehicle beeped.

"Ah, we've arrived," he said. "Your patron can explain."

Log 9

Blaue opened the exit, and we descended onto the planet's surface. The sky was lavender, which seemed odd to me, since I was used to Earth's bright blue sky. I supposed in time I would get used to the color.

Near the foot of the ramp stood a humanoid. He was easily two feet taller than me, and his skin was pale orange. He seemed very human, except he had no nose and his eyes were a burnt orange. It astounded me that in a universe where life's development was mere chance, a being so close to human had evolved. Perhaps their home planet was near Earth's, therefore they had been subject to many of the same cosmological conditions.

"Which of you is John Earhart?" The being's voice was gravelly, and it took all my strength not to cringe. Carlee did not have the same self control. She flinched.

"I am John Earhart." I stepped forward.

"I am called Korhin," the being said. "I am part of the Cultural Assimilation Program, and it is my honor to assist you as your assimilate into our world. Your organic captain has informed us of your physiological needs and an appropriate habitation has been arranged." His words struck me as mechanical and made me feel as if I was being put in a zoo. However, the rational part of my mind reminded me that this alien had probably just learned English so he could communicate with me and that he would have no idea of the connotations instilled in me by my upbringing on Earth.

"You must be Carlee Earhart, the owner." He said 'owner' very coldly as he turned his strange gaze to Carlee. She shrank and stepped a little behind Ven, as if he could protect her.

"I'm John's sister," Carlee said in a small voice.

"You are John's oppressor," Korhin said. "We have little tolerance for oppressors on Halshia."

"We were issued visas," Ven said. "Yuo can check with my Artifical Cognizant. Both Carlee and myself have your government's permission to be here."

"I am aware," Korhin said. "We try to be tolerant of organics, but you will have to forgive me if my slavery to your kind has made me quick to judge." Ven's jaw was set angrily. He hated the term organic and he hated androids. This planet had to be his worst nightmare.

"Korhin, Ven and Carlee are good people. You need not worry about either of them oppressing you," I said. "It was actually a lie as far as Ven was concerned, but this man needed reassurance, not doubts.

"Oh? Then why are you seeking refuge here? Why do you feel from them?" Korhin asked, his gaze focusing back on me. I could suddenly feel Carlee's eyes on me, as if she too was dying to know the answer. In her eyes, I was undoubtedly running away, fleeing from her. I could not explain the truth.

"Because this is what is best," I answered. The being studied me, his eyes narrowing as if he could see that I did not really want to leave my human companions.

"Of course," Korhin said. "Come, we will go to your habitation and discuss details." I nodded and walked down teh ramp, Ven and Carlee following. I felt like I was walking to my doom.

Log 8

Blaue landed effortlessly. Not a single sentient, organic or otherwise, felt even the slightest tremor. So it was not until Blaue alerted me that I knew we had landed. Ven expected me in the cargo bay so we could all be there to meet the representative of the android planet.

Because of the diversity of the android planet, there was not set fashion. I had no idea what outfit would be considered appropriate or immodest, so I simply dressed to make a good impression on humans. Humans were what I knew.

Ven and Carlee were already in the cargo bay when I got there. I had not seen my sister in two weeks - I had purposefully avoided all contact with her - and at the sight of her, I stopped in my tracks.

She looked sick. Her skin was tight over her face, and dark circles were apparent under her eyes. Had she caught something? Ven would not know that Carlee only liked to drink 7up when she was sick or that she liked to be read to. He had not been the one to nurse her through the chickenpox, the flu, or dehydration.

Then Carlee looked up and saw me. Her eyes filled with pain. That was when I realized Carlee was not sick. I was the cause of her illness. I was the cause of her pain.

Carlee dropped my gaze and looked at her feet. I crossed the room and came to Ven's side, keeping him between me and Carlee. Despite Blaue's words I knew what was best. If I showed the slightest amount of what I truly felt, Carlee would not be able to let me go. She would fight this with everything inside her, and neither Ven nor I would be able to do anything but give in. That was not the best for Carlee. We had to be separated.

"We are being greeted by a male named Korhin," Ven informed me. "He's part of the department that settles in new inhabitants."

"Do you know what species he is constructed to be like?" I asked, maintaining a fake calm as to not alert Carlee. Nerves filled me as well as fear. I could be just about to leave Carlee, the entire purpose of my existence. I was created to be her brother. I was created to be by her side. How could I survive without her? How could I go on?

Looking at her drawn and pale face, I wondered how she could go on without me. But she had to. Carlee didn't need me like I needed her. Carlee would survive.

Log 7

"We'll land in two hours," Blaue said to me. I nodded, adjusting the color on my jacket to blue. Carlee always thought I looked best in blue.

"Is this an appropriate outfit for the androids?" I asked. "I couldn't find much resources on their culture or rules about dress and modesty." The information on the planet was scarce, mainly because organics were convinced that androids could have no real culture. Without a real culture, what could be interesting to write about? Only engineers would care about a bunch of machines.

"Most of your skin is covered," Blaue commented, giving me an analyzing look. I knew the look was just a part of her hologram programming. She really saw me through the cameras that were dispersed throughout the ship. "If that's not modest, what is?"

"Clearly, you haven't spent a lot of time studying human fashion and propriety," I responded. "You can be both completely covered and immodest." Blaue seemed perplexed by that. How could I explain that a skin tight outfit on a girl was just as alluring as a girl wearing next to nothing? Then again, I was an android. Could I really find girls attractive? Or was it just my programming simulating the behavior of a teenage boy?

Questions like this kept popping in my mind. I loved pizza, but was that because I really enjoyed pizza or my programming recognized that teenage boys are supposed to love pizza? I had loved playing football. There had been a rush in catching a snap, in knowing that my powerful throw would be caught and my team would win. But did I feel all that because a teenage boy should love football and wish he was quarterback of the team?

That caused me to briefly wonder how my team had done without me. The second string quarterback had been a junior and fairly good, but he had lacked my accuracy and android strength. I wondered if my team made it to finals, or if they had struggled without me. I found a part of myself wishing they would miss me and struggle without me, but I quickly tuned that out. I had no place for such petty feelings.

"What are you thinking about?" Blaue sounded curious. "Your face got all sad and then stern." Blaue found human expressions fascinating, since she was always trying to act more human.

"Football," I answered. "It's a game we play back on earth." The caused Blaue to be confused. Undoubtedly she thought I had been thinking about Carlee.

But I didn't want to think about Carlee. I could not afford to think about Carlee. Yes, I was doing this whole thing for her, but I had to make her believe that I would be really happy on the android planet. Thinking about Carlee would make me realize how much I was going to miss her.

Without Carlee I had no purpose and what was an android without his purpose?

Log 5

Carlee's tirade did not take me entirely by surprise. I know my sister very well, and I know she has a temper and tends to say irrational things that she doesn't mean when she is upset. However, her words still hurt.

I wondered about that, how her words could hurt. I was merely an android. If people like Ven were right, then everything I thought and felt were nothing but built in responses from my programming. That would mean I was not really hurt. My programming was simply telling me that I should feel hurt in order to better simulate a human's feelings.

And yet, wasn't that exactly what a human's brain was? A human's brain was hardwired to think and feel certain ways by the time a human was my age. A human my age would feel hurt by Carlee's reaction because the societal programming in their brain told them they should be. Surely a brain was nothing more than a highly complex, organic computer.

The difference then had to be that human's had souls. At least, humans thought they had something called a soul that somehow made them better than all the other animals on the planet Earth. I did not think there was any "soul" circuit board within me, but humans had no "soul" organ. Perhaps I did have a soul, and I just did not know about it.

Soul or no, I felt bad about letting Carlee think Ven's plan was my plan, my desire. But I did not see anything I could do about it. Ven was right. Life would be better for Carlee without me. The only way to make Carlee leave me behind was if she thought I wanted to leave her. I could not lie to Carlee, but the truth could also be used to deceive.

I knew Carlee would want me to run after her, but instead I stayed in my quarters. As painful was this was going to be, I would have to let us separate.

"Carlee was wrong about one thing," Blaue's holographic image materialized in my room.

"Just one?" I asked.

"Well, perhaps more than one," Blaue relented. "But she called herself a fifteen year old girl. It was my impression that Carlee was born on February 16 in the Earth year of AD 1993."

"She was," I answered. I had not been there for the event, but I had been Carlee's brother most of her life. I knew her birthday.

"Well, that day on Earth passed about a week ago," Blaue said. "Carlee is sixteen now."

"I missed Carlee's birthday?" I exclaimed in disbelief. "And Christmas." My instinct was to find some way to make up for it, to through some sort of extravagant party. However, that would probably get me back into Carlee's good graces. I loved my sister too much to allow her to not be mad at me.

"Time is hard to tell when you're no longer on a planet with a set calender," Blaue responded. "Don't blame yourself. Ven should have done something for her for her birthday. I'll have to berate him."

"So I'm eighteen," I said, surprised that I could come of age - be an adult - and not even know about it. My "birthday" was in January, always a few weeks before Carlee's.

"According to your Earth birth record, yes," Blaue answered. "But you were created after Carlee's birth according to your construction record, so that actually makes you younger than her." The earlier date of my construction date did not bother me. Socially I was older than Carlee, and I was certainly more mature than her. Perhaps it was an affect of my more logical, android brain.

"If you could have Ven throw some sort of party for Carlee I would appreciate it," I said. It did bother me that Ven would get credit for the kind of brotherly duty that was normally mine. However, I had to let Carlee go. It was the best thing for her, regardless if it was the worst thing that could ever happen to me.

Log 4

“Good,” Ven said, rising to his feet. “Now that we have that settled…”

“Wait,” I said, getting up. “Can I ask you something?” Ven nodded. “Why did you have Blaue order two lunches for us and have them set to this ship? I’m not Carlee. I don’t believe you felt sympathy for me.”

“Not you, Carlee,” Ven answered. “I probably shouldn’t have. She’ll never learn her lesson if I do little things like that to make you feel human.” I stared at Ven, understanding dawning.

“Blaue knew beforehand that the restaurant would not serve me,” I said.

“Of course she did,” Ven said. “Blaue is a computer. She doesn’t overlook things or forget things." My non-organic heart sank. It was the first time I realized Blaue could and would lie if Ven directed her. I should have realized it sooner. She was Ven’s ship. She would do whatever he asked. She was just a computer, not a human like she seemed.

I felt sad for Carlee. Blaue had become her only friend, but she was a friend Carlee could not trust. It was yet another reason Carlee needed to live on the human colony. She needed human friends.

“So you arranged for us to go to the restaurant, where you knew we would be rejected,” I said.

“Carlee needs to realize you are not human,” Ven said. “The more things like that which happen, the more she will realize you are not human. You are not her brother. You cannot be a family. She must leave you behind.” I felt anger rise in me at his clear declaration of my inhumanity. But then I remembered I wasn’t human. I was just an android.

For a moment we stood in silence, Ven’s dark eyes watching me.

“I realize this is taxing for your programming,” Ven said. It was as if the words were being dragged out of him. It was undoubtedly hard for him to even come close to admitting that an android had anything close to feelings. “Carlee has been your purpose for existence, and I used you this afternoon in a manner that seemed to hurt her. But as I’m sure you’ve done in the past, I had to hurt Carlee now to help her life be better in the future. Leaving you behind will hurt Carlee for a little while, but it will be better for her in the future.”

“I know,” I said softly. “I am not purposefully being shortsighted. Neither is Carlee. You have to understand Ven, that she cannot imagine a future without me.”

“And we have to change that,” Ven said. Then he turned. The wall opened before him and he left.

“Blaue,” I said aloud. She projected her hologram in my room, her eyes watching me warily. “You lied to Carlee and me.” It was not an accusation, just a fact.

“Undoubtedly you have lied to people before,” Blaue answered. “We do what is best for our masters, John. I do what is best for Ven; you do what is best for Carlee. Ven thinks it’s best for Carlee that she realize you are an android, and I don’t think it hurts if this afternoon’s events make her think better of Ven.” She paused. “Ven is a good man and he deserves to be thought well of, regardless of his feelings concerning androids.”

“You’re partial,” I said. “And you’re right, I am partial to Carlee, which is why I’m concerned that she is trusting you too much. She’s putting too much confidence in you, when one day you might betray her if it makes life better for Ven.”

“Isn’t that what humans do for the one’s they love?” Blaue asked. “You betray someone you love less to better the life of the one you love the most.” I hesitated, unable to argue against her point. I was after all, a student of humanity.

“I hope you are not too upset with me,” Blaue said. “But you would have done the same thing if our roles were reversed.” Once again, I could not argue with her. I would do anything for Carlee, just as Blaue would do anything for Ven.

Log 3

"I've been in communication with both my employers and the human colony," Ven said. "It has been made very clear that you will never be allowed to step foot on the human colony." I listened silently, though I was fairly certain I knew where this was going.

"Carlee is fifteen years old in Earth years," Ven continued. "The human colony is her only real chance to finish growing up in a normal environment and the only place she can truly settle down one day. But she can't do that with you."

"I can't make her give me up," I said softly. "I tried to make her leave me behind at the Society's headquarters. She refused. I can't make Carlee do anything." Though I often wished I could.

"Carlee is a very stubborn girl," Ven admitted, "and I'm beginning to understand that she won't consider simply leaving you, which is why we've come up with an alternate solution." I frowned, unsure what he meant. "What do you suppose Carlee would do if she thought you could have a better life without her?"

"I cannot lie to her," I responded, "so I have no idea how we could convince her of that."

"We could convince her if it was true," Ven said. "There is a way both of you would be better off without the other." I frowned dubiously.

"Go on," I said. I doubted there was a way I could be better off without Carlee. My central programing revolved around her. However, if it would make Carlee's life better I would consider it.

"There is a planet where androids live with no master," Ven explained. "I have gained visas for myself and Carlee to visit - they don't usually allow non-androids. We will take you there and visit for a few days. I am confident you will find acceptance among your type and Carlee will realize it is your only chance at a normal life." He said the last words as if it was impossible for an android to have a normal life.

"And then Carlee will leave me on the planet and pursue her own normal life without me on the human colony," I finished for him.

"Yes," he answered. "It's the best thing for both of you, but more importantly it is the best thing for Carlee. It will ease her conscious concerning your well being and she will be able to move on as a normal human."

I was silent for a moment, my cybernetic brain processing his words and all the scenarios that could be the outcome. Unlike Ven, I could account for Carlee's affection for me, and I doubted things would go as he planned. But that did not mean we should not try.

"We will attempt it," I responded, "but I make no guarantees that it will work. You underestimate her attachment to me. How important I am to her."

"Yes, it is a mistake I have made often," Ven admitted. "but you remember not to let your programming for her to get in the way. It is for her well being you two must be separated."

"Her well being is my highest priority," I answered.

Question Break Answers 9

You asked a question; we have answers, theoretically. So here is the question that was anonymously asked:

Since you seem to have gotten John to start giving his perspective, how does he view his own origin? We know how you feel about it, and we can guess Ven's thoughts, but what does an android think of his being an android? Did he view his placement on Earth as an assignment, or an escape?

For the answer, we go to John:

This question seems to have several parts. I will try to address all of them.

1) How does he view his own origin?

I don't really remember much before I was placed on Earth. Mainly because I was activated and then put on Earth very shortly after. I guess I don't really think about "my origin" very often. I would say that humans don't often think about the fact they were born very often either.

2) What does an android think of his being an android?

What does a human think of being a human? I am an android. There really isn't much to think about it. But if I were to think about it, I would say that for the time I was on Earth I mainly viewed myself as human. For all intents and purposes, I was human. It was not until we were taken off the planet that I was really forced to view my android-ness. Now this could be because of my programming. The nature of my existence is that I'm basically supposed to think and act like a human, observing all human practices. If everything went as planned, I would have lived out an entirely normal human existence on Earth until Carlee died of old age, and then I would be deactivated, as if I was dying of old age. It was not until I was freed from the Society that I had to face the fact that I really was an android and what exactly that meant.

I always knew I was an android, not completely human, but the fact that I was an android never really bothered me. It was the consequences of being an android that bothered me, dealing with people like Ven.

Frankly, being an android isn't that different from being a human. It simply means society views me as a second rate human. For a while after being taken off of Earth, I thought this meant I had to live as a second rate human. I thought this view was right. Sadly, it was not until recently that I've realize that it doesn't matter. It shouldn't matter. I am synthetic. Carlee is organic. But we're both human.

3) Did he view his placement on Earth as an assignment or an escape?

I viewed placement on Earth as life, neither an assignment or an escape. I was created to live on Earth for the entirety of my existence, like any normal human. I was supposed to view placement on Earth as life, because I was supposed to be observing human life in its entirety.

I hope this answers your questions. Feel free to ask more questions anytime.

Log 2

[Told you John would be back for another post. Of course, his writing style is a bit...um, lame, so I did have to help him a little bit. I'm hoping he develops his own real style after a while, and I don't have to keep re-writing sections.]

After the lunch Carlee described in her last post, we went back to the mall portion of the spacestation. Unfortunately, the afternoon did not go as well s the morning had. there was less laughter, less fun. We were simply going through the motions.

None too soon, Blaue called us back to her. Ven was done with business and it was time to go. Carlee and I went back to the ship obediently.

"Welcome back," Blaue said in her cheerful tones, her holographic image greeting us as we boarded the ship. "We should be taking off soon, so you two make yourselves comfortable."

"Is Ven here?" Carlee looked about, as if the man was hiding in the cargo bay as we walked through it.

"He's in the cockpit," Blaue answered. Carlee nodded but appeared disappointed, as if she had wanted to talk to the man.

"Should we go to our rooms or go to the common area?" I asked, trying to figure out the practical side of matters that Carlee so often ignored.

"Either is fine," Blaue answered. "You won't notice take off. But dinner is in an hour."

"I think I'm going to read in my room for a while," I told Carlee. Surely we had had enough brother/sister time for the day. I needed some time to myself, to think about the events of the day without Carlee watching me. It was like she expected me to burst into tears at any moment, which was odd. I had not cried in years. I certainly did not feel like crying now.

"OK," Carlee said, giving me a worried look. But she did not fight. A few moments later, I was in my room in blessed silence.

I laid on my bed and thought of nothing, clearing my mind. Carlee doesn't even believe I can think about nothing, but I can. It's very restful to not worry about the future or fret about the day. Carlee can't do this because she's a girl and as such she thinks too much. [This is not in anyway an insult against females. Guys are experts at compartmentalizing and girls at multitasking. This means girls can do a lot of things at once, but can't think about nothing. It means some guys can't walk and chew bubble gum, but we can think about nothing.]

Not much time had passed when Blaue suddenly appeared in my room. "John, would it be alright if Ven came and spoke with you?"

"Sure, but why would he?" I asked as I sat up on my bed. Ven had never been cordial to me. It seemed odd that he would want to talk to me. And that he would ask permission to do talk to me, when he viewed me as more of a talking parrot and less as a person.

"He has his reasons," Blaue said. Then she disappeared and the wall opened, revealing our captain. As usual when he looked at me, a scowl touched his face.

I moved to stand as he entered, but Ven motioned for me to remain seated. He then pulled up my desk chair and sat facing me.

"As much as I hate to do this," Ven said. "I need to talk to you, man to android."

"I'm at your disposal," I responded. What would bring Ven - who hates androids - to my quarters?

Log 1

[So in order to help you, our reader distinguish between my posts and John's posts, we're calling my posts Entries and John's posts Logs. And yes, the following is a post by John. One of you suggested we make him post and after over a week of wheedling, I convinced him that it was for the best. So below is John's first post. Enjoy.]

Carlee has asked me to write a few posts. I would like to begin by stating that I think this is a bad idea. I am not a writer. I am not even really human. My recounting of events will not be as exciting as Carlee's. More accurate maybe, but less entertaining.

Mainly Carlee asked me to jump in here and say a few words about what I was feeling in Entry 59. I have read all of Carlee's posts and sometimes I think she overthinks my emotions. I was not made that on Earth I had "the world at my fingertips" and now I was "the dirt under the universe's fingernails." I was mad because my presence was so clearly ruining things for Carlee.

If Carlee had not rescued me, Ven would not have been in the dilemma in which he found himself. He could have taken her straight to the human colony. There she would pick up the pieces of her life, get over me, and move on. She would make friends, grow up, get married, have kids, etc. Instead she was on a ship, in limbo. Ven did not know what to do with her, and her life was far from ideal. It was clearly, logically my fault.

From the day I was shot to today (a day almost a year after the events Carlee has been describing) everything bad that has happened to Carlee has been my fault. She was kidnapped, kept in a zoo, refused entrance to a restaurant, forced to live in a ship, refused entry to the human colony, subjected to Rome's existence, kidnapped by crazy, self-righteous androids, and forced to leave Earth again. And it was all because of me.

[Hey, guys, this is Carlee. Please ignore any references to future events. I keep trying to explain to John the delicateness with which he should foreshadow, but he still doesn't understand. And Rome isn't that bad. most of the time. So please, just pretend he only said up to "forced to live in a ship".]

I am willing to admit that Carlee was right in the fact that I needed a friend. I love my sister very much. She is, truthfully, the reason for my existence. My core programming all revolves around her. But, my Earth upbringing made it clear that it was the older sibling who was supposed to take care of the younger, not vice versa. I could not let Carlee take care of me.

Carlee wants me to write more, but for now this will have to do. This is all I have to offer, my side of events.

Hopefully Carlee will not make me post again.

[John is dreaming if he thinks I won't make him post again. I'm trying to convince him to write tomorrow's post too. It would definitely be more interesting to see the next series of events from his eyes. You guys already know how I feel about Ven - hot but annoying. John's feelings do not quite reflect mine, and I want you guys to get that. So back to wheedling for me. Luckily I have some allies who agree with me that John should write posts. Allies he can't ignore...mwahahaha. lol]