Entry 62

I could not take Ven's word for it. Ven hated John, and he would say anything to make me leave John behind. So I raced across the hall to John's room and demanded he let Blaue open the door for me.

"Can I help you, Carlee?" John was sitting at his desk, studying a screen.

"Yes," I said. "Ven says we're going to the android planet, that we're going to leave you there and then send me tot he human colony without you." I watched John, waiting for the surprise and outrage at Ven's audacity. Instead, John calmly met my gaze.

"That is the plan," he said. "Don't be upset, Carlee."

"Don't be upset, Carlee?" My voice rose several octaves. "You and Ven have hatched a plan about my future without consulting me and all you can say is 'Don't be upset, Carlee'?" My anger seemed to be having no affect on my calm brother, which only made me more angry.

"I know you don't like it," John said, "But its for your own good..."

"Because I, a fifteen year old girl, can have no idea what is for my own good, so I can't be trusted to make plans," I said harshly. "But a seventeen year old and a twenty something year old do? Is there some special wisdom that is granted when you turn seventeen that I as a mere fifteen year old can't grasp?" John did not say anything, letting me rant. His silence fueled my anger.

"Or maybe its in your best interest," I continued. "Maybe its just what you want - to get rid of you annoying little sister. Finally you have an excuse to dump me. You don't have to worry about taking care of me, worrying about me, dragging me along. You can be free of this old ball and chain!" Why wasn't he saying anything, my heart cried. Why was he not denying my words? John should have been stopping me, assuring me that he never wanted to get rid of me, that he loved him.

"Well the joke's on you, John." Tears filled my eyes. "Because I don't need you. If you want to go live with your android friends, then do it. I won't stop you." I then turned and fled from the room.

Once in my room I burst into tears. I had not meant the last thing I said. I did need John. I could not imagine my life without him. Without John I had no family.

As I cried I expected John would come running in at any moment, to reassure me that it was all lies and he would never leave me. But John did not come. My tears dried and still he did not come.

I was all alone and afraid I would be for the rest of my life.