Entry 62

I could not take Ven's word for it. Ven hated John, and he would say anything to make me leave John behind. So I raced across the hall to John's room and demanded he let Blaue open the door for me.

"Can I help you, Carlee?" John was sitting at his desk, studying a screen.

"Yes," I said. "Ven says we're going to the android planet, that we're going to leave you there and then send me tot he human colony without you." I watched John, waiting for the surprise and outrage at Ven's audacity. Instead, John calmly met my gaze.

"That is the plan," he said. "Don't be upset, Carlee."

"Don't be upset, Carlee?" My voice rose several octaves. "You and Ven have hatched a plan about my future without consulting me and all you can say is 'Don't be upset, Carlee'?" My anger seemed to be having no affect on my calm brother, which only made me more angry.

"I know you don't like it," John said, "But its for your own good..."

"Because I, a fifteen year old girl, can have no idea what is for my own good, so I can't be trusted to make plans," I said harshly. "But a seventeen year old and a twenty something year old do? Is there some special wisdom that is granted when you turn seventeen that I as a mere fifteen year old can't grasp?" John did not say anything, letting me rant. His silence fueled my anger.

"Or maybe its in your best interest," I continued. "Maybe its just what you want - to get rid of you annoying little sister. Finally you have an excuse to dump me. You don't have to worry about taking care of me, worrying about me, dragging me along. You can be free of this old ball and chain!" Why wasn't he saying anything, my heart cried. Why was he not denying my words? John should have been stopping me, assuring me that he never wanted to get rid of me, that he loved him.

"Well the joke's on you, John." Tears filled my eyes. "Because I don't need you. If you want to go live with your android friends, then do it. I won't stop you." I then turned and fled from the room.

Once in my room I burst into tears. I had not meant the last thing I said. I did need John. I could not imagine my life without him. Without John I had no family.

As I cried I expected John would come running in at any moment, to reassure me that it was all lies and he would never leave me. But John did not come. My tears dried and still he did not come.

I was all alone and afraid I would be for the rest of my life.

Happy Birthday me!

Today is my birthday! I'm 17! Can you believe it? I feel so old.

It just makes me feel better to know that John is 19. No matter how old I get, he'll be older!

Entry 61

The moment John’s wall opened I jumped to my feet, tossing my book aside. I saw Ven exit the room and I quickly called after him, “Ven!”

Ven turned, his darkly handsome eyes falling on me. “Good afternoon, Carlee,” he said. “Can I be of assistance?”

“Can I talk to you real quick?” I asked. Ven nodded and came into my room. He noticed the book I had tossed aside, laying hazardously on the floor, and amusement touched his eyes. I bristled. I did not like it when people found me amusing.

“Ven, how long are you going to keep us cooped up on this ship?” I demanded, crossing my arms and glaring up at him. “This is no place to keep a growing fifteen-year-old girl.”

“I know,” Ven answered to my surprise, “but you won’t be on the ship much longer. This next leg of our trip will be about two weeks, then we’ll stay on the planet for a while, and then it will be about a month to the human colony. Does that satisfy you, Carlee?” All of my speeches and arguments to convince Ven that we needed to go to the human colony fled my mind.

“You’re taking us to the human colony?” I asked.

“Yes,” Ven nodded. “I’ve already called ahead with our time table. They should be preparing for your arrival, finding a host family for you to live with. You are just a fifteen-year-old girl, Carlee. You can’t live by yourself.” I had expected that. John and I were just minors, and basically foreigners. We had no idea how the human colony worked. It would make sense if we had to live with a host family for a little while until we were old enough and acquainted with our new situation.

“What planet are we visiting first?” I asked, not letting go of my suspicion entirely. “Why can’t we go straight to the human colony?”

“By request of your android, we’re going to the android planet first,” Ven said. “After today’s events, it realizes that it will only hold you back in life, Carlee. On the android planet, it could pretend it was a true person and be treated as an equal.” I stared at Ven in disbelief.

“Are you saying that John wants to live on the android planet and then ship me off to the human colony?” I asked. “That he wants to be separated from me.”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” Ven answered. “It realizes that your best chance of life is on the human colony, where it is not allowed. It only wants what is best for you, Carlee, and this is what is best.”

“And I don’t suppose organics are allowed on the android planet?” I asked, though I doubted it would be called an “android planet” if that was true.

“Only for short visits,” Ven said. “I have procured Visas for you and me so we can visit with your android initially. But then we will leave and your android will stay behind.”

“This was your idea,” I accused him. “John doesn’t want this at all. He wouldn’t want to leave me.” Surely John could not want to leave me. If he really was as computerized as Ven thought, then surely his programming would not allow him to leave me. If he was as human as I thought, he would not want to leave his dear little sister.

Unless it was in my best interest. If John thought this was all in my best interest, then he might be seriously considering leaving me behind.

“Carlee, your android is a smart, well programmed machine,” Ven said. Though it felt as if the words were being dragged painfully out of him, Ven’s eyes were sympathetic. “It may not want to leave you, but it knows it must. It is the only way.” He paused. “As I said it will take us at least two weeks to get there. Enjoy those two weeks with your android.

Entry 60

When John left me to go to his room, I went to my own room, but I requested Blaue leave my wall open. I was waiting for Ven to leave the cockpit so I could talk to him. I needed to convince him it was time we headed for the human colony, with John.

I understood why John had wanted some alone time, but I was not sure it was for the best. He certainly did not need more time to brood, but I gave him the benefit of a doubt that he was taking a nap instead.

Except John had never been much of a napper. Probably because androids needed less sleep than humans or some such nonsense.

I saw Ven in the hall, so I jumped to my feet, racing to my doorway. However, before I could call to him, he stepped through the wall, into the room that John was using.

I stood in the doorway, thunderstruck. Had Ven just gone into John’s room? As if to talk to John? Surely I was mistaken. Surely that was not possible. Why would Ven want to talk to John? Ven did not even think John was a real person. It simply did not make sense.

“Blaue, why is Ven in John’s room?” I asked. Blaue materialized in my room with her usual smile.

“I believe that is between John and Ven,” she said lightly. “Undoubtedly guy talk, however. You know boys. They’re worse gossips then any girl.”

“Ven and John? Gossiping?” I asked incredulously.

“You’re right. Who am I kidding?” Blaue laughed. Then she sobered. “But I wouldn’t worry about it. Ven would not hurt John. He’s not big into the destruction of personal property, and John is your personal property at the very least.” I snorted. John my property? Unlikely. John rarely ever listened to me. Property was something you controlled. No one controlled John, least of all me.

“Can you let Ven know I want to talk to him when he’s done with John?” I asked Blaue.

“I can, but I can’t guarantee he’ll listen,” Blaue responded.

“That’s all I can ask for,” I responded. After all, boys rarely do listen. “I guess I’ll read until Ven shows up then.” A few moments later Blaue was gone and I was sprawled on the floor, with a book in my hand and an eye on the doorway. (I’m not really sure that “doorway” is the appropriate term, but I can’t really think of anything better to call it).

I found it very hard to concentrate on the book. What could Ven and John possibly be talking about? And for so long? Why would Ven deem to lower himself to converse with John? Would John remain civil? John usually was polite but he had been in such a brooding mood – a mood Ven was half the cause of. What would happen if John lost his temper at Ven?

John and I were in a precarious position, at the mercy of a captain who hated androids In a universe we could not begin to understand. We had no money, no job, and no hope without Ven. We needed him.

I hated needing Ven. Don’t get me wrong. I think Ven is too good looking for his own good, and he’s definitely got a debonair Han Solo thing going for him. But Ven wasn’t my family. Ven was someone that I really barely knew, someone that we were just a “mission” too. John and I needed to learn to become self sufficient. We needed to find our place in the grand universe. We needed to be able to support ourselves.

On the human colony I was sure we could manage this. John would be eighteen soon, surely that was still considered adulthood. He could find some sort of job on the human colony. I could find a job as well. If I was forced to finish school, then I would simply work after school. Between the two of us, I was sure we could manage to survive without Ven’s help.

I did not know that Ven and John were changing our plans as I was thinking, or that for some strange reason, the Barker family would become inexplicably tied to my own.

Log 4

“Good,” Ven said, rising to his feet. “Now that we have that settled…”

“Wait,” I said, getting up. “Can I ask you something?” Ven nodded. “Why did you have Blaue order two lunches for us and have them set to this ship? I’m not Carlee. I don’t believe you felt sympathy for me.”

“Not you, Carlee,” Ven answered. “I probably shouldn’t have. She’ll never learn her lesson if I do little things like that to make you feel human.” I stared at Ven, understanding dawning.

“Blaue knew beforehand that the restaurant would not serve me,” I said.

“Of course she did,” Ven said. “Blaue is a computer. She doesn’t overlook things or forget things." My non-organic heart sank. It was the first time I realized Blaue could and would lie if Ven directed her. I should have realized it sooner. She was Ven’s ship. She would do whatever he asked. She was just a computer, not a human like she seemed.

I felt sad for Carlee. Blaue had become her only friend, but she was a friend Carlee could not trust. It was yet another reason Carlee needed to live on the human colony. She needed human friends.

“So you arranged for us to go to the restaurant, where you knew we would be rejected,” I said.

“Carlee needs to realize you are not human,” Ven said. “The more things like that which happen, the more she will realize you are not human. You are not her brother. You cannot be a family. She must leave you behind.” I felt anger rise in me at his clear declaration of my inhumanity. But then I remembered I wasn’t human. I was just an android.

For a moment we stood in silence, Ven’s dark eyes watching me.

“I realize this is taxing for your programming,” Ven said. It was as if the words were being dragged out of him. It was undoubtedly hard for him to even come close to admitting that an android had anything close to feelings. “Carlee has been your purpose for existence, and I used you this afternoon in a manner that seemed to hurt her. But as I’m sure you’ve done in the past, I had to hurt Carlee now to help her life be better in the future. Leaving you behind will hurt Carlee for a little while, but it will be better for her in the future.”

“I know,” I said softly. “I am not purposefully being shortsighted. Neither is Carlee. You have to understand Ven, that she cannot imagine a future without me.”

“And we have to change that,” Ven said. Then he turned. The wall opened before him and he left.

“Blaue,” I said aloud. She projected her hologram in my room, her eyes watching me warily. “You lied to Carlee and me.” It was not an accusation, just a fact.

“Undoubtedly you have lied to people before,” Blaue answered. “We do what is best for our masters, John. I do what is best for Ven; you do what is best for Carlee. Ven thinks it’s best for Carlee that she realize you are an android, and I don’t think it hurts if this afternoon’s events make her think better of Ven.” She paused. “Ven is a good man and he deserves to be thought well of, regardless of his feelings concerning androids.”

“You’re partial,” I said. “And you’re right, I am partial to Carlee, which is why I’m concerned that she is trusting you too much. She’s putting too much confidence in you, when one day you might betray her if it makes life better for Ven.”

“Isn’t that what humans do for the one’s they love?” Blaue asked. “You betray someone you love less to better the life of the one you love the most.” I hesitated, unable to argue against her point. I was after all, a student of humanity.

“I hope you are not too upset with me,” Blaue said. “But you would have done the same thing if our roles were reversed.” Once again, I could not argue with her. I would do anything for Carlee, just as Blaue would do anything for Ven.

Log 3

"I've been in communication with both my employers and the human colony," Ven said. "It has been made very clear that you will never be allowed to step foot on the human colony." I listened silently, though I was fairly certain I knew where this was going.

"Carlee is fifteen years old in Earth years," Ven continued. "The human colony is her only real chance to finish growing up in a normal environment and the only place she can truly settle down one day. But she can't do that with you."

"I can't make her give me up," I said softly. "I tried to make her leave me behind at the Society's headquarters. She refused. I can't make Carlee do anything." Though I often wished I could.

"Carlee is a very stubborn girl," Ven admitted, "and I'm beginning to understand that she won't consider simply leaving you, which is why we've come up with an alternate solution." I frowned, unsure what he meant. "What do you suppose Carlee would do if she thought you could have a better life without her?"

"I cannot lie to her," I responded, "so I have no idea how we could convince her of that."

"We could convince her if it was true," Ven said. "There is a way both of you would be better off without the other." I frowned dubiously.

"Go on," I said. I doubted there was a way I could be better off without Carlee. My central programing revolved around her. However, if it would make Carlee's life better I would consider it.

"There is a planet where androids live with no master," Ven explained. "I have gained visas for myself and Carlee to visit - they don't usually allow non-androids. We will take you there and visit for a few days. I am confident you will find acceptance among your type and Carlee will realize it is your only chance at a normal life." He said the last words as if it was impossible for an android to have a normal life.

"And then Carlee will leave me on the planet and pursue her own normal life without me on the human colony," I finished for him.

"Yes," he answered. "It's the best thing for both of you, but more importantly it is the best thing for Carlee. It will ease her conscious concerning your well being and she will be able to move on as a normal human."

I was silent for a moment, my cybernetic brain processing his words and all the scenarios that could be the outcome. Unlike Ven, I could account for Carlee's affection for me, and I doubted things would go as he planned. But that did not mean we should not try.

"We will attempt it," I responded, "but I make no guarantees that it will work. You underestimate her attachment to me. How important I am to her."

"Yes, it is a mistake I have made often," Ven admitted. "but you remember not to let your programming for her to get in the way. It is for her well being you two must be separated."

"Her well being is my highest priority," I answered.

Question Break Answers 9

You asked a question; we have answers, theoretically. So here is the question that was anonymously asked:

Since you seem to have gotten John to start giving his perspective, how does he view his own origin? We know how you feel about it, and we can guess Ven's thoughts, but what does an android think of his being an android? Did he view his placement on Earth as an assignment, or an escape?

For the answer, we go to John:

This question seems to have several parts. I will try to address all of them.

1) How does he view his own origin?

I don't really remember much before I was placed on Earth. Mainly because I was activated and then put on Earth very shortly after. I guess I don't really think about "my origin" very often. I would say that humans don't often think about the fact they were born very often either.

2) What does an android think of his being an android?

What does a human think of being a human? I am an android. There really isn't much to think about it. But if I were to think about it, I would say that for the time I was on Earth I mainly viewed myself as human. For all intents and purposes, I was human. It was not until we were taken off the planet that I was really forced to view my android-ness. Now this could be because of my programming. The nature of my existence is that I'm basically supposed to think and act like a human, observing all human practices. If everything went as planned, I would have lived out an entirely normal human existence on Earth until Carlee died of old age, and then I would be deactivated, as if I was dying of old age. It was not until I was freed from the Society that I had to face the fact that I really was an android and what exactly that meant.

I always knew I was an android, not completely human, but the fact that I was an android never really bothered me. It was the consequences of being an android that bothered me, dealing with people like Ven.

Frankly, being an android isn't that different from being a human. It simply means society views me as a second rate human. For a while after being taken off of Earth, I thought this meant I had to live as a second rate human. I thought this view was right. Sadly, it was not until recently that I've realize that it doesn't matter. It shouldn't matter. I am synthetic. Carlee is organic. But we're both human.

3) Did he view his placement on Earth as an assignment or an escape?

I viewed placement on Earth as life, neither an assignment or an escape. I was created to live on Earth for the entirety of my existence, like any normal human. I was supposed to view placement on Earth as life, because I was supposed to be observing human life in its entirety.

I hope this answers your questions. Feel free to ask more questions anytime.