Entry 44

I stared at John, my mind struggling with all the information I had learned in the past two day. It was still hard for me to comprehend that John was an android. Even though I could see his skin peeled back, I still could not truly wrap my mind around the fact that he was not human.

“Carlee, I am an android, a synthetic sentient,” John said, holding up his hand with the loose, torn skin. “It’s a lot to take in.”

“You’re my brother. I don’t care.” I could not imagine my life without John. I needed him. Could no one understand that his lack of humanity did not change his importance in my life?

“I know you say that, Carlee, and I’m sure you mean it now,” John responded, “but if you ever feel weird or unsure about it, I want you to know you can talk to me. I know what I am. I always have. It’s not new to me.”

“Don’t lie to me and make it seem like you are completely alright,” I retorted. “I heard everything Blaue said. You’ve grown up as a human – an equal – and the kid everyone marked as most likely to be very successful: a CEO, a president, something ambitious and powerful. Now, you’re like a second class citizen. You can’t be ok with that.” I gazed at him relentlessly, but he was silent for a long while.

“It will be an adjustment,” he admitted.

“An adjustment? That’s all you’re going to say?” I exclaimed. “John, I know you better than that. You can’t even be close to ok with it…”

“But it’s life, Carlee,” he interrupted. “What I can do? I’m not organic. I’m your property. I’m not welcome in half the universe. And there is nothing I can do about it.”

“It’s ok to be mad about it, John,” I said. “You don’t have to accept everything like a silent matry.”

“But I do. I’m the big brother. I’m supposed to take care of you, not vice versa.”

“That’s ridiculous. We’re siblings. We take care of each other. I’ll admit you take care of me most of the time, but it’s ok for me to have to help you where necessary. Like yesterday,” I pointed out. “And now. Do you want me to sow your sking back together?”

John looked down at his hand, flexing it and causing the poorly attached skin to ripple strangely. “You shouldn’t have to do this.”

“I want to,” I responded. “Surely Blauw has some thread and a needle somewhere.” I paused. “That will work, right? I can stitch it together like normal skin and it will grow back?”

“Yeah, it’ll work,” John responded wearily. “Just make sure you put the knots on the outside of my skin. Once you do my hand and elbow and shoulder, I can do the stuff they messed up on my leg.”

“Sounds good,” I said. “See, needing help isn’t that bad. Would you rather sit around with your skin in pieces?”

“No,” he admitted. He paused and look at me intently. “You know I love you, don’t you, Carlee? Just because I’m an android doesn’t mean I can’t feel. You are my little sister, no matter what anyone says, and I love you.”

“Ven says you’re programmed to say things like that.” I voiced the uncomfortable doubts that Ven had placed in my head. “He says you don’t really love me.”

“Ven is wrong,” John said firmly. “I was programmed with only two thoughts concerning you: you are my owner and I am to say you are my sister. They can’t program love. I developed affection for you just like any human does. I do love you, Carlee, as a brother loves a sister. You are my family.” Reliefed filled mat his words. Though I had not wanted to think about it, I had been worried. I had been worried my entire life was a lie.

Thoughts of family inevitable led to thought of our foster parents. “I wonder what Scott and Ellen think happened to us.”

“I don’t know,” John admitted. “Maybe one day we can send a message to them and let them know we’re ok, but for now it’s just you and me.”

“The way it’s always been,” I responded “You are the only person I’ve ever been able to count on. Nothing has changed that.”

“Except this time, it’s not a new foster family,” John pointed out. “This time the Earharts are in space.”

I smiled at my brother. “The Universe is in for a ride.”